Letting go of toxic friendships can be hard. Specially, those that are built off of years of memories. Over time, I’ve learned the hard way that cleaning up your circle of friends is important for mental health and growth as an individual. Below are five signs you might be in a toxic friendship.
Codependent: I was in a codependent friendship for many years. What does this mean? It means that my life revolved around my bff 24/7 and I would drop anything to be there for her — even if it set back my own plans. We depended on each other so much that solo plans wouldn’t feel right. I was always afraid to not be there for my friend during every accomplishment, every set back, every birthday, every special occasion. This was not her fault at all, but when we started to become more independent is when I realized that our codependent friendship was going to fail and our friendship was coming to an end. A healthy friendship does not mean depending on each other for everything. Make sure to look for signs where this might be happening to you and ask for distance without feeling guilty.
Focusing on Negativity: I’ve always been a positive person, or at least try to be, and I’m not saying that I have days when I feel like I want to sleep all day because my energy is low and I happen to hate people lol, but having friends who always have something negative to say related to every story you share with them or have to ruin your hopes on having a good day because they hate their life, is not cool! Pay attention to energy! Is your friend giving you all the bad vibes when you are around them? If so, this might be a good time to slowly detach yourself from that friendship.
Always Criticizing You and Others: Let’s keep it real. Your bff is the one person you can trust to vent about other people and things in general, but if most of your conversations revolve around criticizing others, this means she or he is most likely always criticizing you. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but if your friend is constantly trying to change you by putting down the way you look, the way your act, your choices in life, well, does this person even like you? Your friends should always love you for you and if at any point you feel like you are not their cup of tea, well it’s time to find another tea party that loves you for you. Side note about why they are doing this: they very well could be jealous and/or very insecure about themselves.
The Flaky Friend: I’m usually the friend who most people depend on when it comes to doing things with, weather it’s party planning, or me being a guest at the party, or me helping you move. It’s rare when I say no or don’t show up. Well sadly when I need “The Carla” in my life lol I’ve had friends that totally ditched me. How did this make me feel? Kinda used! That is when I realized that having friends who flake on you all the time are not healthy. It is important to surround yourself with friends who you can count on, specially in those moments that are special to you. It sucks to be disappointed! So before you start putting a lot of time and effort into that friend who you know will always flake on you when you need them the most, it might be time to let go of putting much effort on that friendship.
Extra Judgemental: Let’s be real! We judge our loved ones the harshest but there are times when we have that one friend who judges you extra hard, making you feel insecure about yourself and your own life choices. No one can say that they’ve never judged their friend based on a bad decision they made, or a bad habit they might have, but when the judging become a topic of conversation to put you down, that’s never good! It is important to let go of those friends who are always judging you to make themselves feel better. It’s ok to give a friend advice or judge them a little based on something you feel is not good for them, but be careful on how often you are doing this. At the end, if you are not happy with their life choices, just walk away from that friendship. Problem solved!
I must say that cultivating good friendships as an adult is so hard! But it is important to pay attention to the friendships that are not making you happy. Life is too short to spend your time and energy with people that are not giving you good vibes or dimming your light!
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